21
My Big Jump
Posted by belleg on February 21, 2008 in Teachers, Uncategorized
One bursting hot summer day, my dad set up Mikey’s (my brother) and my enormous water slide. I could smell the water as it sprinkled a sparkly clear liquid. I put my bathing suit on and ran as fast as a lion to get over there.
When I got there, Mikey was was already there having a grand old time. I climbed up the ladder to the slide and slid down. Then Mikey jumped up and landed SMACK! on his bottom then slid down. It looked like he had a lot of fun and why I copied him I don’t know but I was in second grade so cut me some slack. Up! Up! And Away! as I jumped into the air.
SPLAT! YEOW! It felt like I broke all the bones in my body. “Mikey, get mom,” I groaned. As you can see I was in a lot of pain.It felt like the pain was flying up then it would slide back down.
I thought I was in hot water as I saw my mom running as fast as her big belly (she was pregnant) would let her. She called everyone we knew (and I mean everyone) and she also called 9-1-1. the EMS workers rushed over here. I felt kind of silly because they wrapped me in a million towels and put me on a board, plus they were tickling my toes and asking me if I felt it. After a few more questions they put me in the emergency trucks and raced me to the hospital.
When we got there I forgot the doctors name but here we go with the questions again. “Can you feel this? Can you feel that?” Then they took some x-rays. I had to wear a heavy suit. A couple hours later the doctor said it was okay to go home.
That’s all I remember now but every time my dad sets up the slide I make sure I’m extra careful when I slide down.
I LOVE this story! You wrote this at the beginning of the year though-so I am wondering with all that you have learned about writing this year, what would you change if you had the chance to revise it?
Belle I loved the part when you put splat! yeow! But were did you fall on the slide or beside it?And was it one of those biow up slides or a hard slide?
“hey i liked how you explained that your mom is [pregnant] and [i mean everyone.]‘you were really focused on one thing which was your big jump.’you should improve explaining more details.i like your onomatopoeia.
Sarah, It was a water slide but I jumped so high when i landed at the bottom of the slide I knocked the air out of me.
Belle I loved your writing. Because you put your personality into it.
I love your voice in your piece. This piece rules
[...] you have completed during Writer’s Workshop. For example, Belle wrote her story “My Big Jump” at the beginning of the year. After you post a blog, your classmates, friends, teachers, [...]