“Shamu! Shamu! Shamu!” the crowd fervently chanted beneath the crisp, warm California sunshine. This was it-the penacle moment of our vacation, the moment we’d get to see Shamu for the very first time.
The kids and I sat perched on the edge of our seats-waiting anxiously for Shamu’s arrival. Suddenly, we were stunned as the graceful giant leapt unexpectedly out of the water, appearing as though he would fly straight up to the sky!
“There he is!” my son chattered excitedly, frantically pointing towards the center of the pool!
Then as quickly as it all happened, Shamu was gone. He splashed far into the depths of his pool…only to emerge moments later…directly in front of US! However, this time we were not facing his friendly fact-it was his enormous flukes taht were gently waving to us in what I now know was a teasing fashion. “Aw, look-he’s weaving to us,” my daughter cooed softly as she began to wave back.
And that little wave from her was all it took! As if on silent command, Shamu raised his flukes high into the air and…
SPLASH!
…he slammed his giant flukes against the salty water with an enormous thud-and then it came-like a million buckets of ice water showering down on us, a humongous splash…
a gift,
a memory,
a treasure from Shamu!
Entries (RSS)
May 7th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I loved the way you used hyperboles and I think you should explain how you felt after the splash and on this piece I would give you a high high 3 I just think you need to improve that one thing to make it a 4.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:30 am
I liked all the flashy vocab in this story, but I think you need to explain what flukes are. But this still was a great story Mrs.Hulburt.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Mrs.Hulburt I really liked how you said”Crisp warm California sunshine” and how you said “coded” I really like those words there really powerful.Can you elaborate more please the story is really good but it’s kinda a short story to me.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Did Carrie do like a special wave that Shamu responds to? I really liked how you found the good side to it,some people would have got mad.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:33 am
I had saw a lot of flashy vocab and I love that.Also I didn’t quite understand the word flukes.The rest of the story was great.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Mrs. Hulburt I really liked the begining when you said, “Shamu!Shamu!Shamu!” and how you said, beneath the crisp war California sunshine. What I really think you should improve is to describe how he did the tricks and what tricks he did.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:36 am
WOW I like your begining it made me feel like I was really there.But I would like you to elaborate more on the how you felt.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I loved how you said A gift a memory a treasure It gives how you feel but elabrate more and explain why it matters
May 7th, 2008 at 10:58 am
I liked the way you described everything, it really painted a picture in my mind. But I think you should elaborate on how you and Carrie and Christopher felt.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:02 am
I loved all the athers tools. I agree with alex thow it is a high 3 but you can edit it and make it a 4.:)
May 13th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Mrs.Hulburt the Shamu blog was cool because it reminds me of when I went to Sea World because Shamu always splashed water at me.And it was always cold!
May 13th, 2008 at 9:35 am
I really liked the strong vocab. I agree with Stephanie though. Also try to discribe how you felt when you left.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:41 am
I like all the authors tool you used and I got a picture inside my head I think you can add more detail into this story.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Mrs. Hulburt,the part I liked about this was the first sentence in the piece. I think it can be improved by extending it by using show me don’t tell me.
But I will give you a high 3!
July 14th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Hi Mrs.Hulburt!
I loved that story! I liked all of the detail you put in to it. I think that you will be a great fourth grade teacher next year! And I hope that your class next year is well-behaved!
Johanna A.
P.S. you messaged me on my blog and I was sort of wondering if you were going to be my teacher next year.
July 20th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Hi Johanna! Thanks for reading and responding to this piece. I reread it for the first time in quite a while when I saw your comment and as a result, I feel that there are some revisions I need to make to improve it. I may have to post another entry with my revisions.
I was really excited to see that you had started a blog. I hope you are enjoying it-it’s a great way to share your writing with the world. As for 4th grade…I don’t know if you’ll be in my class or not yet. We won’t have the class lists until August…so we will both just have to wait and see!
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Hello, again! I just figured out yesterday that I am going to be in your class. I am EXTREMELY exited about the first day of school!!! I remember that in the second grade, I was so exited about school starting that I woke up in the middle of the night!! I think that its only because my mommy is a teacher. I am really sad about the playground burning down.
Sincerely, Johanna
August 25th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Mrs.Hulburt, I love being in your class! I think that it is verry fun! (Although today was my first day) I think that my mom and I know that you will be an exelent teacher this year! My mom also likes how you siymbalized the eraser, that everyone makes mistakes. Like I said, you will be an exelant teacher!
Johanna
September 17th, 2008 at 11:20 am
How cool I have never been to sea world thats a lucky thing!!!!!!!
Alejandra Ponce
September 26th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Mrs.Hulbert I have been to sea world before and I new were you were because I heard of shamu and the killer whale is in sea world And I went to other place in sea world they are all cool and I just want to say hi to you and thank you for buting stuff up on my blogs.
September 27th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Wow! I saw lots of exitement in your pase I also saw shamoo he is gigantic! well anyways I like your pase butI think ou need a little more flashy vocab but it was so powerful!
April 6th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Does anyone else have any experience with this?
September 1st, 2009 at 6:03 pm
wow mrs. hulburt cool story. i saw shamu once to and at the end of the show i was soaking wet.