As a writer, it is very easy to simply tell our reader what is happening in our story and how the characters are feeling. However, a powerful writer doesn’t just tell their readers the information, they create an experience for the reader so that they too can live and feel the event. This strategy is called “Show Me, Don’t Tell Me”. Today, I would like you to try out this strategy on the sample below. Please read the sample sentence, and then in your comment I would like you to revise the sentence by adding details and descriptions (using author’s craft tools as well) to “Show” the reader what is happening instead of just telling them as the sentence does now. You will find that when you “show” your reader the event instead of just telling them, you will automatically slow down the moment and have a longer writing sample to share with your reader. You may add ideas to make it your own. Please revise this sentence:
I felt very scared when I walked into the hot room.
Entries (RSS)
February 26th, 2009 at 10:35 am
As I slowly walk into the steaming room frightened thinking that the room was so hot I was gonna melt!
February 26th, 2009 at 10:36 am
I felt my heart skip one beat as I walked into the blazing room. There was a window open, but no air was comming through. My eyes rolled back in my head replying to the heat. The walls were a cool, creamy white, but I thought that soon, they would catch fire. The air was filled with the scent of incence and the furnace was on high. We were going to soon find out what our tea leaves read.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:38 am
I was so nervous, sweaty, and I was trembling when I walked in the hot room, it was as hot as the sun.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:38 am
I felt that I had a hand full of fears, when I walked into the hot room with flames
February 26th, 2009 at 10:44 am
I felt very scared In the hot room I felt like I was in a haunted house.My head felt light headed and I felt i was going to pass out.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:45 am
It was steaming in the room.I felt a fist punch me right in my stomach as I walked in the room .I was jumping every time I heard a sound in the steaming hot air in the the room.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:47 am
As I stepped into the burning hot room, I felt chills run down my spin. I thought “what were those noises?” It was silent…then Creeeeek! I heard it again. I started sweating because of the intence heat and because of how frightened I was.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:48 am
boom!Bang!Crash!I went towards the hot room I got up and was wondering “were in the world am I” I look around me and there was crackling sounds my face was scared I was down on the ground there was no place were I could have gotten up my hands were were moving smooth across the slippery floor the wall I felt like if I was about to go down trying to pull my self up and there was no way I could I was gasping for air fallen on the floor for the last time and that was the end of me.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:51 am
A I walked into the sweltering room, I felt as if I was going to melt.The terrible heat made me feel as if I was going to melt.My face was red , my cheeks were rosy the curtains were closed but t6he sun was too strong.As I touched the window my hand felt like it had just touched the burning hot stove.My head was hurting from the terrible heat.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:52 am
I felt very scared when I walked into the “Hot Room”.I was sweating nervously. My palms were so sweaty,I felt like I could make a dirty swimming pool.I had no other way to get out of this horrifying event that was about to happen to me.
Two minutes passed, and we were all done. “What had just happened to us?”I terribly asked myself.”Nothing had been done to me.” I was just eaten alive by my fear of sweatiness.From that day on, I was never afraid of hot places ever again!
February 26th, 2009 at 10:53 am
As I slowly walked in the silent room i had my hands sweating so much it felt like a hand full of tears.My teeth were chatering the got hotter ever sec. and it felt as if the room was getting smaller and smaller.I was terrified!!!
February 26th, 2009 at 10:54 am
I felt my spine tingel and shiver as I slowly walked into the firy blasing room.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:54 am
I was sweating,melting as I walked in the room of blazing flames.Not a single breath of air and my throat clogged up from the blazing heat.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:58 am
There, in front of me, was the door to the steamy, soulless, creepy, and sweltering room. Sweat rolled down my forehead down to my neck.
Heart racing, stomach about to pop, my thoughts flourished in my mind whether I should open the door or walk away. A mighty cough jumped
out my mouth as the air poisoned my throat. I made a gulp. When I opened the door, there he was, the killer.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:59 am
I walked into the room that acted as if was the sun, every step felt like ages ,years.The fear covered my body and became the black darkness of the sky,I was like a bottle of ink thats how scared I felt!The walls were a cherry red wich made it seem even hotter,the open window let the sun light place it self in the room it was extremilly hot I had no choice but sit im the sun it wasent comfy!
March 11th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
I hesitate at the threshold, the doorway that leads into “the room.” Beads of perspiration sprout on my forehead and trickle softly in swirly rivulets down the wrinkles in my skin, gently tickling my face as if telling me, “Don’t be afraid.” Impossible I think as I feel the rush of hot air draw the breath right out of my lungs.
I can’t breathe. I can’t stop the uncontrollable rivers flowing down my face. I can’t even step away from the entrance. Glued in place, my feet heavy as cinder blocks, I force myself to lift first one foot, place it down and then lift the other, place it down.
“It can’t be that bad,” I whisper, as I try to convince myself to cross the invisible barrier stretched across the doorway. Finally, I muster up the courage, squeeze my eyes shut as tight as possible, and plunge forward into the sweltering, fire-hot, steamy room.