18
The Bright Light
Filed Under (Uncategorized) by drewc on 18-02-2008
“Wake up wake up! Its Christmas,” I shouted. “No mm I’m too tired hmm,” my mom mumbled. “Ppppplllleeeaassseee,” I whined. After that I heard nothing from her so I knew I had to wait.
It was now 7:51. I waited 15 minutes, that was more then a enough time for me. “Now!?,” I asked “Ya only if Jazzy comes”, she yawned. Oh no my sister slept as warm, snuggled, and deep as a Grizzly bear. She will sleep and sleep.
As I thumped my feet against the cold white tile, I felt my legs get colder with every step. As I entered her room, I softly called “Jazzy, wake up” “Hmm” she answered finally. After a few minutes she got up and got ready. “Yes,” I said under my breath.
When everybody moved from their rooms to the living room, I really thanked GOD for sending his son to earth that’s what I thought about all month. Swoosh! The front door of my house blew toward me but the lock kept it in place.
When I looked at the colorful paper and bags I pushed and shoved every one to the tree. I couldn’t wait to open my presents and watch my moms and Jazzy’s face glow as they opened gifts. I sat two paces from the tree and about five from the door. Suddenly we all gathered. I looked from name to soon find mine. I gazed at the surprise and pulled out the paper as fast as a lion. Quickly I grabbed out a package, I yelled, “Hay I got a package.” I ripped the package and found………………….a new………………..new new new….phone!” I could not keep from thanking “Oh thank you thank you thank you.”
I could never thank my mom for how much she’s done for me. “You’re welcome darling,” she squeaked. I took the sliding phone out and charged it because it was not charged. Later I soon read every word on the box and in the phone. After we ate but that’s a whole different story!
I thought the beginning of your story was great. The dialogue you put in added a lot of voice and humor. I thought the end was good, too, but there’s a couple of parts that were a little confusing to me. I liked the nice things you said about your mom at the end.